Hello everyone
I watched a bad film. Not just bad—it’s terrible.
However bad you think this movie might be…it’s worse.
I’m not going to identify the film (although you might guess) and I don’t want to talk about the film directly.
What Does a Bad Film Offer?
Instead, I’m much more interested about what we can get from bad films (and equally, from bad novels). In many situations, I think you can learn more from the shortcomings in a piece of work than you can learn from successes, especially when those errors are so central in undermining the entirety of the piece.
As a novelist, I find film (and TV) an interesting medium because the story is told in a much shorter time than it takes to read a novel. And while filmmakers have other tools available to them which are not available to novelists—characters’ physical appearances can be shown, locations can be shown, music can set the mood, and so on—the fundamentals of the storytelling are similar.
More significantly, the flaws in a bad movie can be just as deadly to a novel. So, for instance, this movie has terrible dialog and terrible dialog will strangle a novel just as quickly as it strangles a movie. That said, while the dialog is terrible, it’s far from the worst part of the movie.
What’s at Stake?
Perhaps the biggest flaw of this movie is that there is nothing at stake.
I should perhaps point out here that the movie is a spy-esque/thriller-esque story (if you imagine a cross between James Bond and Casablanca, you might get an idea of the intended vibe).
There is a MacGuffin which was meant to be very important, and the pursuit of that MacGuffin is intended to drive the story. But the MacGuffin is so confusing that its pursuit seems ridiculous.
It’s not just that the MacGuffin is silly; without a functioning MacGuffin, there’s nothing at stake for any of the characters. Sure, the “good guys” and the “bad guys” both chase this MacGuffin, but it is inconsequential. It really won’t matter—to either side—if they fail in their mission. Maybe there will be a minor inconvenience…maybe a wasted trip…but no consequences to speak of.
Without anything at stake, there is no plot to speak of. There are just people wandering around for no real reason.
Character
A second major flaw is that I don’t care about any of the characters.
None of the characters is interesting. None has and redeeming features. Worse, they’re all dull. Much of the problem with the characters is that it’s not clear what they want and this goes back to the first flaw I highlighted—that there’s nothing at stake.
There was nothing to root for and there was nothing to laugh at. When a character was murdered, I didn’t care. Heck, I barely noticed, and his absence had no consequence for the other characters or the arc of the story.
None of the relationships between the characters seemed to have any basis or any consequence. There were just a bunch of (barely) two-dimensional characters who happened to be in the same place at the same time.
It Wasn’t Even Funny
I read the reviews before I watched the film.
They were consistently terrible.
But still I chose to watch this movie—I thought it might at least be funny. I wondered if it might become one of those cult so-bad-it’s-good movies.
It won’t be.
I thought this film might be funny, but the joke’s on me. It’s so bad it’s not even amusing.
Should You Seek Out This Movie?
I could elaborate, there’s so much more that’s wrong with this movie. But I won’t—I already feel mean enough.
At this point of the communiqué, I would usually suggest you watch (or read) the piece I have been talking about. But not here. This movie is a vanity project by a rich man and it would be a waste of your time even to watch the trailer.
However—for me—this movie has reminded me to think again about the novel I’m currently working on. The basics—the characters and the stakes—are fundamental. If the characters and the stakes aren’t there, then the book won’t work. For this reminder, I am grateful: it will make the book better.
Until 2024
That’s me done for 2023. Thank you for reading me for another year.
If you’re celebrating over the next few weeks, I hope you and yours have an enjoyable time.
I’ll be back in January 2024.
Until then, all the best
Simon